We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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