Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
