but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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