if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
