Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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