he thought i was a dude.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
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how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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