we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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