Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
