my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
