maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
