just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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