My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
