$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
