can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
