Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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