Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
