remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
