please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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