Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Sorry my hands just texted you
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
