Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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