The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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