Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
