So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
