I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
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