Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
