Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he thought i was a dude.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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