it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize