My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I did not marry a roomba.
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