Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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