Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
