That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
How's work?
Spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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