i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
