I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
