you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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