how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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