did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
