he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
