now i know why i became what i already was.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
