apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
