He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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