she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
