Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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