R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
