are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
nutella sex= disaster
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
