He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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