Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
