What did we do last night that was yellow?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
