You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
