Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
