I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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