Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
did i walk over a car last night?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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