There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
ok first of all what the fuck
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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