some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
