I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
