There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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