i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wanna passion pit in your ass
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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