party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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