I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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