Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize