What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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