It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This is the high leading the old right now
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
