Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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