I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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