I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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