hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
they need to just BURY HIM!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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