When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Panties = found
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
